Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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