Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
