when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
