youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
