you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
