Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
