you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
