I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
