i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
