Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
