...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
