sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
