The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
