Please, let me fuck your mom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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