these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
