Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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