it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
