I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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