FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
