I must be too annoying 4 u.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you would pick up someone in the library
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
