How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
