wanna go halves on a baby?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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