I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
