the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
