wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize