So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
