I'm really into asian looking animals
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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