Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
