The maid of honor just puked.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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