Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
