I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
