I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
