see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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