he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
