she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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