420 ftw
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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