i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize