i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you traded sex for a burrito?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
