I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
