Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
