Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize