just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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