Don't make out with my wife yet
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
