i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
