it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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