Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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