she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
