I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
