woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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