my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize