Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How's work?
Spinning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
