I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
