I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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