were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
