Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
