tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
