We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
