Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize