Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
