Jerry, you need to find god
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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