Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everyone says I win the strip club
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
