i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
