well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
