i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
