my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
