White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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