i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We are all done wearing pants today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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