Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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