That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
