yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
