He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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