He had one of those small greek statue penises
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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